Almost losing my daughter

Ara- Believe


I don’t know if God wanted me to pray for my daughter to live or wanted me to pray for her so that I would become a better husband, father and friend…one that loves other people other than just himself…   one that puts materialistic wants down the priority list….  one that learns not to hate others and to forgive while realizing that he needs to be forgiven time and again.  In essence, I have to thank my new found faith in Jesus for the life I have and love now and for getting me through that time along with lots of good music and the love of my family.  The most painful thing I’ve ever gone through was the near loss of my daughter (see “Ara” above as a healthy 7 year old).  She was born at 11 ounces- it was a new state record at the time for a child to survive.

It pushed our family to limits I never dreamed of.  We lived at the hospital with her in the NICU for almost 9 months.  It was touch and go everyday and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through it.  Doctors told us for days to “prepare for the worst.”  We saw new tubes, needles and challenges everyday.  I don’t know how many times we started making funeral arrangements- it was a living hell.   I discovered prayer after being an agnostic my whole life.  It worked EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I promised myself and God that I would live and work for him after that experience- that I would essentially live to love others and help others.  That I would raise a godly, moral young woman in my daughter that would hopefully hold the same values her whole life and would live to love others.  His guidance has never let me down- the only pain I feel in life is when I try to do things my way and not his.

I have loved music most of my life and dreamed of making a living in a rock band.   It wasn’t until the birth of my daughter that I realized how screwed up my priorities were, how selfish I had been and what my purpose was.  I now know that my purpose with music is to hopefully inspire, motivate, help, advise and educate….in short, to love other people; to help other people.   You see, I realized that the beautiful thing about music is that it can be the right answer for anything.  Other products such as lawnmowers are only helpful to people with lawns.   But music, can help anyone at anytime through anything- it is the Swiss army knife of life.

This is where “KillDevil Theory” began.  I finally understood that I needed to “kill” the devil in my life- my hang ups, temptations, selfish obsessions, hates etc…  If I could do that….no, not if… I had to do that to be a better father, husband and human being.   Imagine if all of us could make our selves live better with the goal of loving others, caring for others and helping others-  it would be hard not to make the world a much better place.  In theory, this would make the world the best it could be if we would only follow the example of Jesus and love and live for others……hence the “Kill Devil” Theory.

My goal is to challenge myself every single day not to give up on becoming a better father, husband and person….let me tell you,  I fail A LOT!  My plan is to not give up though as I made a promise to God….

Can I Challenge YOU to do the same???    Do you struggle with hate, fear, selfishness or some other serious issue??  I know I do everyday.

One of our songs that came out of this whole experience is “Make Me Broken”– it touches on some of these concepts and the idea that I needed to realize that I was truly “broken” before I could begin fixing myself.  I’m giving this song away with the goal of inspiring as many people as possible.

If you haven’t got a copy, get it right HERE.  Please share the song or the link with anyone you like!


Have a Great Week!!




PS- It doesn’t matter if you fail…all that matters is that you don’t give up!